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Deconstructing "AIDS"
by Michael Ellner and Tom DiFerdinando
"The Advanced Iatrogenic Disease Syndrome**
1. A I D S P h y s i c a l B a s i s
The war on cancer was an embarrassing failure for the First Church of Corporate Medical Science. This and similar disasters have sent huge and growing numbers of people toward alternative forms of health care. As widespread medical dependency continues to diminish, the Church has been forced into a frantic scramble to reinforce its Divine Authority. A life-threatening epidemic was just what the doctor ordered.
In 1981, a handful of socially irresponsible scientists based in the Public Health Services' Epidemic Intelligence Service, were looking to save face and to ensure their agency's continued existence. Always on the lookout for clusters of illness with which to whip up public hysteria, they can then justify not only their own existence but widespread publicly-funded mass immunizations and expensive medical treatments. They failed miserably with the swine flu and Legionaires disease, had moderate success with herpes, but then they hit the jackpot.
They came upon a handful of seriously ill gay men who had histories of heavy drug use and sexually transmitted diseases. Asserting their illness to be the result of an immune deficiency exclusive of any drug toxicity, these scientists actively sought out heroin addicts and hemophiliacs with their commonly associated opportunistic infections, and then decided to throw into the pot some Florida-based Haitians with their endemic TB. Mix these unrelated groups and situations together and decide ahead of time that they have to be linked by an undiscovered retrovirus and viola - AIDS!
The deadliest disease ever known, it is 100% fatal and everybody is at risk. Bingo! We're right back in the corporate trance. Billions and billions of dollars are being spent with our full and uncritical consent on an epidemic that never was. Once again Corporate Medical Science rules, backed by the media and the many thousands of other private and public organizations that they fund.
How could it have happened? If it is all a lie, how did it get to be this big? We are unwittingly and in many cases quite wittingly participating in genocide against gay men, IV drug users, the poor, and people of color. How? Why? If we only thought about it, we could see that AIDS doesn't spread. It develops in people who have overwhelmed their natural defences with many long term toxic assaults. Overwhelming levels of antigenic stress are what give the physical basis and reality to "AIDS." Hysteria and iatrogenic poisoning are what fill in the gaps.
2. T h e G o a l O f H y s t e r i a
So lets look at the hysteria, the poisoning has been discussed elsewhere (2). AIDS was never 100% fatal. It was never even close. Yet hundreds of thousands of people living in terror have become the pawns and devotees to the mass hypnosis that is AIDS. The basis for the terror is a sense of helplessness in the face of illness and death. Until illness is recognized as an ally to be respected and not an enemy to be destroyed, and death is recognized to be a natural part of the life cycle, these irrational fears will remain and medical dependency will endure.
But there are other, more poignant factors. For many of these people, HIV/AIDS is the cure of a broken life. In a very perverse way it gives their lives and deaths meaning. Having HIV/AIDS has become a career, a badge of belonging, and many are receiving more attention and care than ever before. These people need AIDS. They have become addicted and do not want to lose their new found esteem! Unfortunately, in our opinion, these people cannot be saved.
There are others who need AIDS also. Do not forget. Medicine is a business. And like any other business it is profit-oriented, competition wary, and puts considerable effort into convincing us we need its dangerous goods and services.
But one key difference blinds us to this fact. Medicine deals in a very direct and immediate way with issues of life, death, sex and drugs. And if anything can entrance us and stir hysteria, panic and irrationality it is issues of life, death, sex and drugs. Because people fear illness, the slightest hint of something changing or happening in their bodies sparks hysterical reactions. And hysteria is the music to which white-coated authorities, the majority of which are blinded by their own dogma, sashay their way into our hearts, our souls and our wallets.
These are among the very powerful interests which maintain a conspiracy of silence, keeping crucial information, like recoveries and fraud, under wraps. Hysteria is necessary to divert attention away from these vital issues, the unconscious goal being to fuel a sense of accomplishment without really changing anything.
Again, billions and billions are being made and spent on HIV/AIDS. And the tension of CRISIS is a perfect substitute for creative and satisfying work and relationships. Many individuals in the major AIDS organizations are now living the financially secure lives they've always wanted to live. There's just this inconvenient nuisance of sick and dying people.
3. T h e N e x t G e n e r a t i o n
Let's also keep in mind that AIDS has become a godsend for those obsessed with derailing the healthy expression of adolescent sexuality. It was bad enough when sex was dangerous. Now, SEX=DEATH. But unless these kids belong to, or are having sex with someone in a high-risk group, where does their high risk come from? Who in their sexual pool is going to cause a so-called "AIDS infection"?
They are at no risk for AIDS whatsoever. Although unsettling to anxious adults, the only effective way to guarantee safe, healthy behavior in teens is to affirm and respect their sexual birth right, not treat it like a dirty and hedonistic compulsion.
Why terrorize these kids? We expose them to and arouse them with an environment bursting with erotic images while shutting off their central outlet for gratification. Then we wonder why so many youth are violent, confused, depressed and suicidal, seeking solace in substances like drugs and alcohol. All one need do is think back to one's own ungratified adolescence. Not only are these kinds of feelings the precursors to a future parentage in which hysteria and sexual terror once again rule, but they frequently produce the behavior and substance abuse which can put teens at risk for needing and developing "AIDS" in the first place.
4. P a r t i c i p a t e I n T h e C u r e
AIDS is not a disease. It is a social agreement. (3) And like any agreement, participation is implied. The cure for AIDS, for those who actually want it, is to stop participating. Voila, no more AIDS! Then and only then can you productively and constructively address the genuine role of a toxic burden, the root of the hysteria, and the deadly role of both modern medicine and its government sponser and representative, the US Public Health Service.
We can save the people who've tested positive to HIV antibodies provided they are willing to save themselves. That is, as long as they neither want nor need "AIDS". All that is necessary is to accompany an individual program of detox and spiritual/ emotional/ physical nourishment with a thorough breaking of the hex. There is also hope for those who have developed AIDS indicator diseases. Although in acute cases heroic medicine can be life saving, generally speaking, these people too can be assisted by a nourishing program of detox and de-hex that includes non-toxic treatments for their presenting conditions.
We know this to be true because it has been done already. A remarkable few with "AIDS" understood it to be a wake-up call, not a death-sentence. The same can be said of those who have tested Western Blot positive. They fired their doctors and left the AIDS organizations that are designed to perpetuate the crisis and undermine their health. It was then that they started on their very own personal Hero's journey.
In the case of AIDS, they took charge of their own recovery; in the case of testing positive to antibodies, they addressed their toxic burden and have since remained healthy. These people are the proof that it is the belief in HIV=AIDS=DEATH that kills like a truck!
Remember, there is no mystery here. Once hexed, even basically healthy people become 24-hour-a-day stress generators. This, added to the dangerous behaviors that testing HIV positive unleashes, the very toxic treatments, the assisted preparation for illness and death, and the death sentence itself, all combine to undermine their natural defenses. Is it any wonder these people develop life threatening diseases?! AIDS is neither infectious nor sexually transmitted. No virus, HIV or otherwise, is causing AIDS!!! (4) Just ask the "experts"- Where is the proof? Where is the proof? WHERE IS THE PROOF? There is none, folks. Help us stop HIV testing. It is a murderous scam.(5)
5. D e c o n s t r u c t i n g A I D S
Even with the fine reporting by The Sunday Times of London, SPIN, the NY Native, Tony Brown's Journal, Earl Caldwell in the NY Daily News, Elinor Burkett formerly of the Miami Herald, Penthouse, National League of Nurse's Journal, and the heroic work of Joan Shenton and Meditel, we're only beginning to crack the profound AIDS TRANCE. Emminent researchers like Dr. Peter H. Duesberg and Kerry Mullis are deliberately and systematically marginalized. The well known threat of being de-funded as Duesberg was keeps cowardly scientists in line and ensures their silence. We are hereby calling for the immediate refunding of Peter H. Duesberg and wide-spread media coverage to dissident AIDS scientists.
A responsible press is essential to deconstructing AIDS. We have to see the gross failure of mainstream news to cover these urgent issues, particularly since they represent the views of their major sponsor - Corporate Medical Science. These glaring crimes against humanity remain unnoticed by the masses. Instead of counting panels on the AIDS Quilt we need to pay attention to the huge profits being made on all the dubious tests and treatments recommended by the "AIDS EXPERTS" and their minions: the "AIDS COMMUNITY".
6. A F r e e S o c i e t y ?
It is urgent that the public not only become aware of the fraud of HIV testing and the murderous treatments based on it, but of their own responsibility in perpetuating the situation. In time it will all fade away as it always does. But that's not good enough. The architects of the present situation have to crash and burn or they will never stop. They are guilty of the most heinous and despicable crimes ever.
The CDC, EIS, FDA, NIAID and much of the Public Health Service should be shut down. They represent the corporate medical community, not us. They are its legal strong arm. And not only do they keep safe, non-toxic, highly effective "alternative" therapies from openly competing with Western approaches but, under the direction of our corporate authorities, they unjustly discredit and outright outlaw them!
These people, along with the AMA, pharmaceutical and major AIDS organizational heads must be put on trial for this most vicious crime against humanity. We all know Modern Medicine is brutally harmful. We even make jokes about doctors killing their patients - "Operation successful, patient dead." And yet we continue to sanction their actions with our uninformed consent.
Those who want AIDS can keep it. But HEAL is proof that the rest of us need not be contaminated with their hysteria and trance logic. We need your help! We need money to keep our organization going. We need office space and professional video editing equipment urgently.
We know that what we are dealing with is bigger than "AIDS". AIDS itself is symptomatic of a much deeper social problem. But HEAL has come to realize we must first disempower the White Coats to help usher in the age of a health-regulated rather than disease-regulated society. There is no freedom without self-responsibility. And both are dependant upon a system built not on promoting fear, dependancy and the suppression of symptoms, but one built to protect health, self-regulation and the capacity to love. If you are able, please help us continue the work we began in 1982 towards promoting health and exploding the need for the AIDS AGREEMENT.
* Antigens: Foreign bodies and substances
** Note: Special thanks to Edward Lieb for the subtitle to this article and his clarification of the AIDS acronym. We also like the version from the Yorubaland Health Minister in Africa, Chief Osolo: American Invention to Discourage Sex.
R E F E R E N CE S
1. B. Ellison; The Hidden Agenda Behind HIV. RETHINKING AIDS newsletter. Vol. 1 No. 9, Jan/Feb 1994; AIDS: Words from the Front. SPIN MAGAZINE. December, 1993.
2. J. Lauritsen; POISON BY PRESCRIPTION: THE AZT STORY. Asklepios Press NY 1990; J. Lauritsen, Hank Wilson; POPPERS AND AIDS. Pagan Press NY 1986
3. C. Schmidt, MD; The Group-Fantasy Origins of AIDS. THE JOURNAL OF PSYCHOHISTORY. 1984; 12: 37-78.
4. P. Duesberg; Retroviruses as Carcinogens and Pathogens - Expectations and Reality. CANCER RESEARCH, 47, March 1, 1987; pp. 1199-1220; Duesberg; AIDS Acquired by Drug Consumption and other Non-contagious Risk Factors. PHARMACOLOGY AND THERAPEUTICS, 55, January 1993; pp. 201-277
5. E. Papadopulos-Eleopulos, V.F. Turner, J.M. Papadimitriou; Is a Western Blot Proof of HIV Infection? BIOTECHNOLOGY. June, 1993; 11:696-707; C. Johnson; Can You Really Trust the AIDS Test? HEAL BULLETIN. Spring/Summer, 1994, and HEAL Information Pack, 1995.
Michael Ellner is President of HEAL.
Tom DiFerdinando is Executive Director of HEAL

The Real Numbers
of AIDS cases
Do you remember the Centers for Disease Control's predictions of 20 million AIDS cases by the year 2000?
The CDC estimates AIDS cases for the U.S. and its dependencies (including Puerto Rico) is 509,681. The cumulative number of deaths of persons with AIDS in the U.S. through 2006 is said to be 545,805, including 5,369 children under the age of 13. Cumulative reported AIDS cases are 992,865.
Source: wikipedia AIDS in the US
Hmmmmm. Also keep in mind approximately 65% of these so called AIDS cases are surveillance cases rather than actual clinical cases - these folks have 200 or less T-cells and no AIDS indicator diseases.

How AIDS changed
the reliability of drug testing
It started with a News Report dated 04/03/93:
AIDS: Giving AZT Early Has No Clear Benefit
The largest study of the world's first approved anti-AIDS drug, AZT, shows that giving the drug at an early stage of HIV infection--the standard early treatment--has no clear benefit over waiting until full-blown AIDS has set in, The Lancet reports.
The Anglo-French Concorde was started in 1988 to study whether it was best to give AZT to patients as soon as they were diagnosed HIV positive or delay the drug until AIDS symptoms developed, the British medical magazine says.
In the Concorde trial of 1749 volunteers, half were given AZT right after HIV infection, the rest a placebo. Over a 3-year period 92% of those given AZT survived vs 93% given a placebo; 18% of both groups progressed to AIDS.
Early AZT treatment, based on a count of fewer than 500 CD-4 white blood cells per cubic millimeter of blood, is recommended by the US government. Normal count is 1000.
The new research raises doubts about the value of CD-4 cell counts as a measurement of a drug's potential. It may lead to switching from using CD-4 cell count as a measure.
Britain's Wellcome Plc, which makes the drug, admits that the Concorde results are consistent with other studies, although they had previously claimed a significant reduction in disease progression with AZT.
Another European trial, Delta, is looking at the use of AZT in combination with other AIDS drugs--Bristol-Myers Squibb Co's ddI and Roche Holding Ltd's ddC, The Lancet reports.
The drug companies respond:
Don't reveal bad test results
Well, the Delta Study was not released.
After the embarrassing Concorde study, drug companies set a policy that they would decide which studies to release and reserved the right to terminate studies early if it suited their purposes, and to exclude subjects who were not doing well.
Also of note, at that time, treatment was started at 500 CD-4 white blood cells. Now doctors are advised to start below 200. Too many died at higher amounts.
Now, of course, the dosage is greatly reduced. So that even patients under treatment are living longer. "Drug vacations" has been added.
It's just a matter of time before the entire treatment will be junked. Perhaps when big pharma cames up with a more profitable regimen...
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| Mandatory HIV Testing |
by Michael Ellner
Since September, 2006, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) made has a policy recommendation for routine HIV-testing, rather than allowing an informed and considered choice.
Link to CDC policy
This more difficult-to-avoid policy had been largely disregarded. Now, however, in The Bronx (a section in the northern portion of New York City) a campaign has begun to get around the consent procedures required by law.
Reports on The Bronx appear here.
And the California legislature has passed a requirement for health insurance companies to pay for HIV testing.
Reports on California appear here. |
| A call to action! |
| Don't let them make HIV testing mandatory |
If we act quickly, we can expose the fallacy that the federal Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and major news outlets are trying to put over on the medical profession and the public at large. What they are trying to accomplish is nothing less than re-hypnotizing people into continuing to believe that everybody is at risk for AIDS. Yes, renewing the AIDS “group trance”.
Over the last several months, the CDC and major news outlets have been intentionally misrepresenting the need for expanded HIV-testing. Now is the time to speak out and challenge their big push for making HIV-testing routine.
Actively challenging the call for routine HIV testing is a powerful way to break the HIV/AIDS “spell” and help people recognize the AIDS-trance and escape from the AIDS Zone.
As you explore this site, you'll learn just how deadly this kind of mass self-hypnosis can be. The consequences will most certainly be deadly for the victims of the false positive results. These unfortunates will live with intense chronic fear and be pre-conditioned to get sick and die. If that doesn't kill them, the "life-saving" drugs will.
If that's not bad enough, how about this: making HIV-testing routine will reinforce the misconception that every one is at risk for AIDS, when the truth of the matter is that every one is really only at risk for a false positive result!
Routine "HIV"-testing, aimed at people who are not at risk for developing AIDS, is a serious threat to their health, well-being, and freedom! Unchallenged, it is predictable that medical doctors will mindlessly, frighten, mistreat, and ultimately kill the 9 out of 10 patients who will be unlucky enough to get a false positive result, due to expanded testing. The mind-blowing fact is that even if one is at risk, testing HIV-positive is NOT proof of infection, according to a review that was published in Bio/Technology in 1993.
Now is the time for HIV/AIDS dissidents to raise their voices and urge doctors, the public, and thinking people of conscience to refuse and resist the CDC's call for expanded testing.
As soon as we discredit "HIV"-testing, the CDC's spell will be broken and people will begin to see this murderous fraud for what it is.
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| California |
| The California Legislature passed legislation in August by Assembly Member Paul Krekorian (D-Burbank) that will require health insurers operating in California to cover routine HIV screening. The first bill of its kind in the nation awaits the Governor's signature to become law.
Not a good sign.
More "HIV"-testing = More murders that will be blamed on AIDS!
“HIV”-tests are weapons of mass destruction! There are 70 well-documented reasons for “false positive” test results. That in and of itself begs the question: how does one even demonstrate a true positive result? THERE IS NO SUCH THING! If anyone is looking to make sense of all this, consider this: the "HIV" tests’ manufacturers themselves explicitly state that the tests are not proof of infection. And even if these antibody tests were accurate – which they’re not -testing positive on an ANTIBODY test is/was never proof of an active infection.
If this new "HIV"-snow ball picks up momentum there will be no stopping it -- Every one will be at risk for a false positive! You can be sure that wide spread testing will cause serious Negative Outcomes. The fear, isolation and pressure to take "life-extending medications" that automatically follows testing "positive" puts every one who takes the test at risk for MEDICAL MURDER!!!
We must organize, unite and re-birth a "Refuse and Resist HIV-testing movement", Now!
"HIV"- Every One Is At Risk For A False Positive Result!
Link to California press release
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| The Bronx plan |
Push in Bronx for H.I.V. Test for All
By ANEMONA HARTOCOLLIS
Published in The New York Times
June 26, 2008
The New York City health department plans to announce on Thursday an ambitious three-year effort to give an H.I.V. test to every adult living in the Bronx, which has a far higher death rate from AIDS than any other borough. The campaign will begin with a push to make the voluntary testing routine in emergency rooms and storefront clinics, where city officials say that cumbersome consent procedures required by state law have deterred doctors from offering the tests.
“Routine would mean if you came into the emergency room for asthma or a broken leg, we test everyone for H.I.V., if they’re willing,” the health commissioner, Dr. Thomas R. Frieden, said in an interview on Wednesday.
While Manhattan has long been the epicenter of the AIDS epidemic in New York, with the highest incidence of both AIDS and H.I.V., the virus that causes it, the Bronx, with its poorer population, has far more deaths from the disease. Public health officials attribute this to people not getting tested until it is too late to treat the virus effectively, thus turning a disease that can now be managed with medication into a death sentence.
Several AIDS experts said on Wednesday that the Bronx campaign was the most aggressive testing effort they could recall in the nation. Two years ago, Washington, D.C., made a high-profile push to test 450,000 residents, enlisting celebrity endorsements and distributing 80,000 free testing kits, but the campaign resulted in only about 45,000 people being tested.
“What’s new here is that we are implementing it on this large a level,” said Dr. Donna Futterman, director of the adolescent AIDS program at Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx, who helped New York develop the new program. “The Bronx has 1.3 million people. It’s bigger than most cities, bigger than Boston, bigger than Washington. We’re talking about a significant urban population.”
City officials estimate that 40 percent of the 830,000 people ages 18 to 64 in the Bronx have been tested for H.I.V. in the past year. Half of the remainder, about 250,000 people, have never been tested, and the goal is to test them first. Tests would be given at 40 designated sites, including clinics, community centers, churches and emergency rooms. Dr. Monica Sweeney, an assistant health commissioner for H.I.V. prevention, said the city had not set aside money specifically for the program, but would absorb the $12 cost of each test.
In organizing the campaign, which formally begins on Friday, Dr. Frieden has enlisted support from elected officials, health care providers and clergy members in the Bronx. But the proposal is raising some concerns.
Outside the Neighborhood and Family Health Center on East 149th Street in the South Bronx, Melissa Sierra, 20, expressed concern on Wednesday that the focus on the Bronx would reinforce “a lot of stereotypes” about the borough. “It might keep people away,” she said.
Dr. Frieden said the health department had chosen the borough because it had good relationships with clinics and hospitals there. “I think we are thinking of it, and the Bronx will think of it, as the Bronx being first to know, a community taking the lead in responding,” he said.
Robert E. Bank, chief operating officer of Gay Men’s Health Crisis, and Earl Brown, the deputy borough president in the Bronx, both said on Wednesday that they hoped the program would be extended citywide.
“Brooklyn is a horribly devastated borough,” Mr. Bank said. “Manhattan is a highly impacted borough, Queens is a highly impacted borough.”
Indeed, the rate of AIDS cases is highest in Manhattan, at 82 per 100,000 people, compared with 75 in the Bronx, 46 in Brooklyn, 26 in Queens and 16 on Staten Island, according to state health statistics compiled last year. But the rate of deaths from AIDS is highest in the Bronx, at 37 per 100,000 residents, compared with 21 for Manhattan, 19 for Brooklyn, 8 for Staten Island and 6 for Queens.
City officials said that Bronx residents are already more likely to be tested than adults in other boroughs (they estimate that 28 percent of Manhattanites, 24 percent of adults in Queens, 29 percent in Brooklyn and 17 percent on Staten Island have been tested in the last year).
The campaign to make testing routine, as Dr. Frieden put it, comes after years of lobbying by him and others to overhaul strict state regulations, which have changed little since the dawn of the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s, when H.I.V. testing was perceived more as a public-health tracking system than as a diagnostic tool. The regulations require patients to give written permission for testing after being counseled on the process, which many doctors found onerous and time-consuming.
Dr. Frieden said New York’s consent law is among the nation’s most rigid. The federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends routine H.I.V. testing with doctors simply informing patients that the test will be given unless they decline.
San Francisco County Hospital, Dr. Frieden said, saw an increase of 17 percent in testing and 36 percent in positive results within three months of switching from written to oral consent in 2006.
Dr. Futterman, who is also a professor of clinical pediatrics at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, said she hoped that changing the mentality surrounding H.I.V. testing to make it a routine part of a patient’s blood work — along with, say, cholesterol tests — would galvanize state legislators to ease its consent rules.
“Everything in AIDS has changed except the old testing paradigm,” Dr. Futterman said. “Old school was that you had to tell them everything that could happen. That starts to seem cruel. If you go for cancer diagnosis, they don’t make the doctor say what you’re going to do if your mammogram is positive.”
The written consent requirement, she said, has been a barrier in emergency rooms, where doctors often feel it interferes with more immediate needs.
Under the new initiative, hospital administrators in the Bronx have agreed to test in emergency rooms, while still following state consent law. Dr. Futterman said she had carefully constructed a script for doctors that follows state law but squeezes what is typically a 20-minute counseling and consent process into five minutes. A doctor with lots of experience could deliver the script in three minutes, she said, and her own record is one minute.
Using that streamlined process, Dr. Futterman said, she had increased the proportion of her patients being tested to 20 or 25 percent, from 10 percent. Dr. Frieden said that city clinics for sexually transmitted diseases had testing rates as high as 60 percent, and the city jail at Rikers Island tested nearly 30 percent.
Mr. Bank said Gay Men’s Health Crisis opposes eliminating written consent, but would relax the process so that patients are given a form with two boxes, one saying they want to be tested, the other saying they do not.
In an effort to make H.I.V. testing less intimidating, the city will issue public service announcements and information on the 311 hot line. It is also posting tear-off sheets with addresses of testing centers in places like check-cashing stores, where residents can discreetly slip them into pockets.
“It’s not about one group doing it, it’s about everybody doing it,” said Dr. Sweeney of the health department. Community organizations, universities, churches and politicians, she said, “are going to have all their constituents that come to them for other services, they’re going to use it as an opportunity to say, ‘Get your H.I.V. test.’ ”
(Dmitry Kiper contributed reporting.)
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Looking back on the AIDS crisis, 25 years on
"It seemed as if AIDS was reaching into all the places where beauty was reverenced and plucking out the most gifted."
Sunday, June 4, 2006, The letters page from the Chronicle:

Editor -- I was on the front line in the emergency department as the AIDS crisis unfolded in the 1980s. I know we were all wondering what it was and why it was happening. The unknown challenged us to give great treatment to every person who arrived, yet not expose ourselves to whatever it was.
The Centers for Disease Control mandated that all health-care workers start wearing latex gloves all the time any patient contact was done. If we didn't follow the mandate, we could be verbally counseled, written up, monetarily fined, or worse, fired for not following the new guidelines. We had no choice but to do what we were told. I did it so I could continue to give care to those who needed it.
My very last day at work, before I moved up north, I had an airplane pilot, who survived the crash of his small plane, as a critical patient. Then a very sick, end-stage AIDS patient, who needed immediate attention, arrived. I took him as my patient and let someone else treat the pilot. I was glad I spent my time with him, as he died the next day.
My compassion from the '80s was soon replaced with anger in the mid- '90s as I acquired a life-altering allergy to natural rubber latex proteins from wearing the mandated toxic gloves. The CDC knew there would be a certain percentage of health-care workers who would get this allergy, 15 percent by now. They didn't tell any of us about the potential hazard, just threatened us if we didn't wear the gloves.
So my life has been impacted forever by the AIDS crisis on a level no one really knows or cares about. I have no regrets for the patients I cared for, just anger that they kept a secret from the nurses on the front line.
We are the silent casualties of the AIDS war and have been forgotten. No one will ever tally up our losses and publish them.
PEGGY ROURKE-NICHOLS, R.N.
Arnold (Calaveras County)

Editor -- Twenty-five years ago, I had not yet heard of AIDS. Fifteen years ago, I watched one of my dearest friends, a gifted choreographer and ballet director, die of this terrible disease; no one could do anything to help him except to turn up the morphine and speed him on his way.
Later that year, I lost a former drama student, who was just hitting his stride in the entertainment world. A well-loved young man, who worked across the hall from my ballet director friend and me, and used to maintain a little garden in front of our funky old Lincoln Arts Building in west side Santa Rosa, followed his long-time partner into the grim world of AIDS fatalities. No one kept up the garden after Marc died.
In the early 1990s, our family shared in the mourning as members of the Oregon Shakespeare Company were lost to AIDS. It seemed as if AIDS was reaching into all the places where beauty was reverenced and plucking out the most gifted.
Nowadays, thanks to some "miracle'' drugs, HIV is no longer an automatic death sentence, at least here in the United States, but there seems to be no stopping it in Africa. I wonder if it can be stopped. Certainly it would help if some religious leaders would combine compassion with common sense, promote condom use and stop preaching hellfire and damnation. Also, the younger generation in our own country needs to be better-educated or we're going to see a new, perhaps more dangerous, wave of the disease.
MEG ROSENFELD
San Francisco

Editor -- Has my view of AIDS changed in the past 25 years? You bet it has. I was diagnosed HIV-positive back in the summer of 1987. When I heard the news, I was devastated. I was in a relationship and feared I had infected my partner with a terrible disease. I had planned to commit suicide if she turned up positive and was sure she would after four years of unprotected sex. To my amazement, she was negative and that issue was resolved, but I was to face more challenges.
I was told I had basically five years, at the most, to live, and to get my affairs in order and prepare for a slow, horrible death. I was immediately put on drugs to "slow the progression" to AIDS. After a few years of taking the drugs and waiting to die, I came across the views of some world-class "dissident" scientists (Nobel laureates among them) who challenge the official version of AIDS being caused by a retrovirus called HIV.
I went to my doctor and talked to him about the group of scientists and asked if I should go off my meds, because they were making me sick.
He told me they were crazy and if I went off my meds I'd be dead in a year. Well, I went off the meds and here I am, 14 years later, the picture of health. I make it through flu season without so much as a sniffle. I'm not encouraging people to go off their meds, however, just because it worked for me.
What I am saying is there needs to be a rethinking of what exactly causes this disease because there are too many inconsistencies in the orthodox theory. Science should be an open forum rather than simple dogma passed out to the masses just because one side has all the PR and funding.
I've come to realize that AIDS is not actually a disease, but rather a category or umbrella, if you will, under which every disease throughout the world that existed long before the AIDS era can be placed, if merely in the presence of a positive antibody test for HIV.
Example: TB without a positive HIV test is just simply TB. But accompanied by a positive antibody test it's called AIDS.
And the tests are confusing. There's no gold standard for them. Example: One can test positive in the United States and negative in Australia because each country has its own criteria for what "HIV positive" is. We all wait and pray for the end of this terrible syndrome, but I've come to believe it will come not in a laboratory, but in a courtroom instead.
MARK PORTIER
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